Given that my last post was about rights and luxuries, this probably seems like a complete about-face. It probably seems that way because it is. Today, I’m filled with sadness, longing, desire. Lust.
I lust after the American dream. I want the house. I want the dog and the backyard and the barbecue parties and the hot tub. I want the crafts room and the rec room. I want the kitchen with the double-wide fridge and ice dispenser. I want the toaster on the counter, the nice clothes in the closet and the recreational gear stored neatly in the garage.
We traveled around the world, saw the poverty and the despair, met the people who give up the little they have to serve the Lord. So how is it possible that I come home and I still long for a life the Lord has not blessed me with right now?
I look at house listings online and want to cry. We don’t even know what our future will hold, there is nothing certain about life beyond Pockets of Change. I know this is a period in my life. This is the place, the time, the life God has set before me and most of the time I praise Him for it. But today, I just want to go back to an easy life of earning money and spending as I wish. Today, I feel more human, more fallible, more caught up in the world than in the Spirit.
I guess that’s the reality of being human. Sometimes we soar, sometimes we sink. But through it all, God’s promises are true. God’s love for me is real. And God’s desire for me is to be in relationship with Him, not with the world. So today, I will set aside my own desires and seek His. I will put my requests before Him and leave them there. Because God is God, and I am not. And His will is perfect for me, even on the days I don’t feel it.
I will seek wisdom instead of wealth. I will seek integrity instead of financial interest. I will seek justice instead of jewels.
For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, He is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for He guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.
- Provers 2:6-8
It is very hard, in this society to break free from the worldview that surrounds us and bombards us daily to live differently. We also live in a society bent on guilt – try not to get to bound up in the reeds of guilt!
that time will come and with it you will look back at this one with fondness. ride the coaster. just this morning i put up on my kitchen bulletin board “Lord, You know where my life is taking me & what I need (so it’s ok if i don’t)”
coffee soon?
It’s really hard to not feel those normal longings when we are bombarded with them from every side in society and when you are at a time and place when you don’t have them. I like your “soaring and sinking” way of looking at it those feelings.
When my Dad unexpectedly died, I looked at his car, his possessions and even his shoes, and realized he would never have any use for them again. It was a striking example to me how all these possessions are so temporary and unimportant “things” in the end. You only take with you the experiences, the learnings, the love for others, the friendships etc- things you carry within your spirit. Guess we just constantly need to remind ourselves, eh?
I will be praying for you! Sometimes it is harder to live in the US than abroad. The material longings are endless. We are ALL prone to wander but He is good to bring us back to His good promises for our life. Take care, Becky